Tinder Tips: Openers - 3 Most Important Rules for Tinder Success
I’ve gotten a lot of comments and questions surrounding our Tinder Tips articles. At the moment, Tinder is HOT! Most questions revolve around starting conversations and about the best Tinder openers, so I’ll try to clear things up again.
If you want to see my article full of strange and funny Tinder Openers, that all lead to a number or Facebook, check this out: Tinder tips: Tinder Openers. Now let's get into it.
The principles of starting a conversation through Tinder or another dating app or website are the same as when trying to start a conversation in real life with a girl. These 3 rules are my guideline in every interaction with a woman I’d like to get to know better. I also teach these to other men I help out. Once these are ingrained most pieces fall together when interacting with women.
Rule number 1: Take action and (slowly) keep pushing things forward
Rule number 2: Don’t mess things up with unattractive behavior
Rule number 3: Look for ways to engage yourself in the process of meeting or hanging out with woman (while conveying attractive behavior)
Now I’m going to explain these rules one by one and tell you how to use them for Tinder specifically.
Take action and keep pushing things forward.
Without taking action and actually starting a conversation, you won’t get anywhere. In real life, go talk to a girl as soon as you see one that interests you. On Tinder, when you match with a girl send her a text. A lot of guys actually don’t even send a text to begin with or don't follow through by texting when they don’t get a great initial response. (They way she reacts to your first text doesn't really matter.) The goal with Tinder is to build some interest and comfort with your match so you can get her on a date with you.
If you want success with Tinder I do suggest to get some decent pictures to brush up your profile like I suggest in this article: Tinder tips: how to use Tinder.
Once you have that match, wait a day or so, and then text something! After you texted the girl, keep going at it and push the conversation forward. Have fun while talking but keep the goal of meeting her in mind and slowly work at it. Have some guidelines to follow and regularly text her until you get a date, number or Facebook or until feel like it won’t go anywhere (or until you lose interest of course if you don’t feel a click between you two). I suggest to ask for a date, number or Facebook withing the first 10 messages that you send. (Just a guideline, use common sense!)
The opener itself doesn’t really matter as you can see in my Tinder tips: Tinder Openers article. The most important thing is to keep pushing things forward and to not mess things up (look at the next rule!).
Don’t mess things up with unattractive behavior.
I’ll start by explaining what I consider unattractive behavior and then I’ll give you some examples of Tinder openers I’ve used and how they link in.
The worst thing you can do is come across as dumb, boring or creepy. This counts even more in real life than on Tinder because on Tinder it’s pretty much open for the girls interpretation. In real life your sub communications convey almost everything about you that girls need to know. Through Tinder they can only see your words, so make them good.
When your pictures and bio are awesome you can get away with crazy stuff, but that’s not an excuse to put yourself in a bad position and try to work yourself out of there (unless you really enjoy trying it).
Examples of boring openers are: ‘Hey’, ‘Hi’, ‘Sup’, ‘Nice picture’. Openers like these make you look boring and as if you're not engaging at all.
If you do insist on going with short ping-like openers, at least use something that would get some emotions out of the person who reads it. Better (but not good) openers would then be: ‘Oh my God!’, ‘You can’t be serious!’ or even something random like ‘Hey, I really appreciate it, thanks!’. Again, you’ll get better openers as we go further, but these at least have the possibility to spike some emotions.
Openers that make you look dumb are usually openers with grammar mistakes or a legit stupid comments in them. Not using proper punctuation or capitals is a big mistake, women notice this stuff. It can also make longer texts with more than one sentence unreadable. Keep this in mind.
Stupid comments where you say things that make you look dumb are a pity. They convey that you actually looked at her profile and that you at least took the effort to comment on a picture or on her bio. But often times guys tend to act as if they know shit they don’t. I’ve seen it pretty often that a female friend of mine puts a picture in her Tinder profile related to art or politics, and that guys say the dumbest stuff about it.
From guessing which artist it was to starting a discussion about politics (which is usually not a good subject, but especially when you don’t know jack sh#t about it). When you see something, feel compelled to comment on it, but never act as if you know more about something than you do. Curiosity is beautiful. It’s way better to ask a question about something than to make a random statement when you’re not knowledgeable about it.
And now comes creepy . Complementing girls can be great. Especially when the compliments are short, specific and authentic. It goes too far when you send whole paragraphs analyzing what you like and why you like it. Especially as a first message. And yes, a lot of guys send huge first messages. This is a no go. Unless you’re clearly trolling the girl, which isn’t really the best way to go, don’t send too long messages. It comes across as if you’re too invested, and it’s frankly weird.
Another case of creepy can be acting super emotional and complaining with a lot of exclamation marks or way too many emoticons. You probably don’t have this problem but adding this in here.
The last instance I’d like to mention is answering her texts immediately every time she sends you one. It gives her the impression you’re glued to your phone and doesn’t really give her time to think about you on her own pace. Regularly put your phone away and read texts a couple of hours after you received them with girls on Tinder. And if you really can’t not check them just read them and answer them after a while.
These are pretty much most unattractive things you should think about when you want to open a girl on Tinder. Avoid them. Again, Tinder is very visual and a lot depends on the mood of the girls you’re talking to, so often times shitty openers could still work, especially if you have good pics, but that isn’t an excuse to use them.
Look for ways to engage yourself in the process of meeting or hanging out with the woman (while conveying attractive behavior).
If you've been on Tinder for a while, you might get bored of using generic or normal openers or having the same old conversations. This is where self-amusement comes in. I suggest you read my article on it here: Self-Amusement to Attract Women. If you want to keep using Tinder you've got to find ways to engage yourself and there's no better way than having fun.
This picture is a good example of this. It's not the BEST opener ever, but it still works because of the fun vibe. FYI, I did get a Facebook from this Tinder conversation and things went further from there. (Scroll down if you can't wait to read about the best ways to open girls.)
When you self-amuse, by for example teasing girls or telling jokes, you actually have fun and at the same time convey attractive qualities. (As long as you're not acting too childish of course.)
On the one hand it shows the girl that you feel comfortable around her and that you're used to talking to girls in fun ways. On the other hand it helps both of you have fun or find out pretty early on if your humor matches, which is awesome. If there's a click between you two and you're amusing yourself she'll probably start having fun too through emotional contagion, even if it's not really her type of humor, so it's a win win.
In the last paragraph coming up I'll give you a final conclusion about how to send girls Tinder Openers that take the above 3 rules into consideration.
The best kind of Tinder opener.
The best Tinder opener is one that engages you so you don't get bored of course. To go deeper I'm going to give you a part of my previous Tinder Opener article because it sums it up pretty well:
"When wanting to open a girl on Tinder the best way to go is looking at her Tinder pictures and description and to give a comment about something you noticed. Not just a comment, but a comment with a positive emotion behind it. Negative emotions can also work if you turn it around to positive later on, but It’s more advanced.
You can say something like ‘I love your wild curls!’ or ‘Your dog is the cutest!’ or you can point out a commonality as in ‘I’m a psychology student myself!’ for example. It doesn’t really matter as long as it’s fun and personalized. Find something about her picture or description that you like or have in common and comment on it with some emotion behind it. This is a very good basic template.
And if you’re too lazy to come up with a personalized opener your next bet bet is a generic one that’s at least a bit fun or crazy. Just to show her how serious you take Tinder."
Voila, that's it. Personalized openers depending on what you saw on your matches profile are the best way to go. Just remember that after you've started the conversation to keep your eyes on the prize and to follow rule 1 and ask for a date, number or Facebook. That's it for today.
Thanks a ton for reading and I hope you enjoyed it my man! Talk later.