I've been messaging with a girl on tinder for a couple days and the conversation was playful and going well. Then I finally asked her out for coffee and I haven't gotten a response since. It's been a little over a day now since I've asked. Should I follow up or just let it go?
Tinder tips: how to get a date on Tinder
Welcome again. In this Tinder Tips edition I’ll tell you how to from matching to opening to actually getting a date with girls on Tinder.
On Tinder you get the biggest return on investment with good pictures (and a decent description). For this I’ll link you through to my previous article: Tinder tips: how to use Tinder. Without decent pictures you won’t get any cute matches, so get this done first.
After you’ve matched with them, you need to start the conversation. As I say in my article: Tinder Tips: Tinder tips: how to start a conversation on Tinder, I recommend you to wait about 24 hours with sending the opening message. (Unless one of you is travelling or something like that.) After waiting you send her a fun opening message like you can see in my examples in my article Tinder Tips: Tinder openers.
Okay, good job, you’ve matched with a girl you like and you’ve sent out the first message. I’m going to cover most scenarios and I’ll give you the guidelines in handling them. If a girl opened you by the way you just move on with the conversation as you would when she would respond very positive to your first message.
She didn’t respond
We’ll start with the worse scenario. If you text a girl and she hasn’t responded the next day, I suggest you send her a follow up about 40 hours later. This gives her plenty of room to check her phone in case she’s just not on Tinder very often.
When the 40 hours pass you can send her something like: ‘Earth to Tina, I’m getting worried babe’ or maybe a simple: ‘You don’t talk a lot do you?!’. As usual when talking to girls, keep it lighthearted and fun. So the point is to try to provoke a response by throwing something silly out there.
If she still doesn’t answer you should forget about her and just move on. You could ping her another text after a couple of weeks if you want to but usually it won’t go anywhere. If she did answer your second text you act as if it was the first one. See below.
When girls are receptive, they respond to your texts in the same vibe as the one you opened them with. If you’re fun and lighthearted, they should be too. If a girl answers very dull and boring she probably is very dull or boring. Or not interested of course. When you get a dull response try to throw something fun out there and she if she joins the vibe. If she keeps answering in a boring way and doesn’t even ask you questions you should tell her she’s behaving lame. Either that or forget about her.
You ask her if she’s always that excited when she talks on Tinder or you could just plainly tell her that if she talks like this in real life you won’t get along. The point is to call her out on her behaviour or to just move on immediately. Sometimes calling girls out on this makes them snap out of it so they start interacting like normal people. Usually it doesn’t help but confronting them can be a good exercise.
Most girls that match with you on Tinder will take over your fun vibe. As I’ve said in my previous Tinder Tips articles, good looking girls only match with guys they find attractive. They usually can’t afford being sloppy while matching because they’ll match too many weirdo’s they don’t like.
After she’s answered in an engaged way, you’ve got to make something happen. The ideal scenario is that she responds to your opener and asks a question afterwards. In that case you just answer her question in a fun way and ask her something back. If she just responds to your opener I’d suggest to make another statement and ask a question. You can find plenty of screenshot examples in my article: Tinder Tips: Tinder openers.
Once the conversation has taken off like in the Tinder opener article you should ping between 5 to 10 messages each and by then you have to ask her for a date, a phone number or Facebook. You need to get off of Tinder pretty quickly. Start the conversation in a fun way, keep her engaged for a couple of messages and then while the iron is hot, suggest to drink a coffee or cocktail together. If you’re not sure if you’d get the date or if she lives to far to spontaneously turn up you have to ask her number or Facebook. Ideal is setting up a date on Tinder and then asking for her phone number.
If a girl opens you the whole process can go faster. A girl opening you is probably one of the biggest way for her to clearly show interest in you or boredom in life. We’ll assume the first option, it’s better for our ego. When girl open you I suggest to let them do the work that they’re willing to put in. Acknowledge their opener, respond to it with an added question and let them reply. After that ping 2 or 3 more questions or statements each and go for the date, number or Facebook. The vibe stays fun and you go for the close faster.
I personally always ask Facebook because you can text and call through it as well. Plus you can check out more of her pictures in case her Tinder pictures were a bit deceiving.
Facebook or number
If you haven’t set up a date but got the number or Facebook, a great way to communicate is through sending pictures, voice messages or by calling. These ways of communicating are a lot more personal and you'll connect easier like this.
A good buddy of mine oftentimes gets the girls Facebook, then he sends her a fun picture as a first message on Facebook and after she responds to that he asks her to call later that evening or the next day (through Fb) to set up a date. If she says that she doesn’t like calling he just sends voice messages and sets up a date through there. The point is to again not send too much and to stick to the point. Text some fun things and go for the date after 5 or 10 pings.
The easy thing about calling to set up a date is that you can easily get a lot of information about her schedule in an innocent way by just talking and asking her what her plans are for the next couple of days. After she tells you about it you can just suggest to see each other on the days that she’s free. In an ideal scenario you ask her those questions in a fun way while just talking, so it doesn’t look like you’re just trying to figure only that out.
If you suggest to meet up with a girl and she says that she can’t meet up that day or time my standard reply is to ask her to suggest a time and date. You can say something like: ‘Okay, Thursday’s a no go, when would fit you best?’ or ‘When can you make it then?’ Just immediately put the pressure and responsibility on her. You already put in the work to have a fun conversation with her so just go for it. This way you won’t waste too much time because some girls will just text with you because it’s fun. That’s why calling them or making them use voice messages is a good way to go by it. It’s different and way more personal than texting.
I’ll give you a quick summary of the biggest Tinder mistakes guys tend to make:
- Bad pictures that don’t flatter you
- Not clearly showing only your face in the first picture
- Being boring or formal when starting the conversations with the girls
- Always answering the girl’s texts immediately without leaving some time in between
- Talking to much and becoming their texting buddy
- Not polarizing by saying fun and maybe a bit risky stuff
- Waiting too long with trying to set up a date or never even asking for one
- If you do get a date not trying to kiss her or again waiting to long (see my article: How to kiss a girl)
If you get good pictures and focus on having fun, not talking too much and getting a date asap, you’ll probably do better than most men out there.
When to give up
I’ll give a summary here of moments where you should just give up on the girls:
- She didn’t reply after 2 opening messages
- She doesn’t engage decently in conversations, even after calling her out on it. Not asking any questions and giving short answers only for example
- She does engage and ask questions but you think she’s boring (even if you do meet you’ll get tired of her pretty quickly)
- She doesn’t understand or try to understand your humor
- She first declines a date and then a Facebook or number (this means not on Tinder to meet people)
- When you try to set up a date she declines the first offer and then says she’ll ‘let you know’ when she can meet up, but never does out of her own initiative
To wrap this up, when it’s not going smooth be a bit persistent but never put in too much effort. There’s an unlimited amount of girls on Tinder if you don’t live in a super isolated area. It’s easier to find another girl who’s willing to meet up and have fun with you. That’s it for this Tinder Tips article!
Questions are welcome in the comments. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you soon!