Why Acting Like James Bond Will Not Attract Women
I wrote this article after a frustrating night out. I was enraged by the lack of action men were taking towards women. A lot of women wanted to be approached, but there were not enough men that had the balls to follow through.
At the end of the night the prettiest 3 women at the party confirmed that I was the only one that approached them throughout the night. Competition never appeared to be so weak. I know a lot of men are scared of pretty girls but this night was just… weird.
The majority of girls were putting out signals, begging to be approached by a man. Yet the majority danced on their own, with men orbiting around, awkwardly looking at them and saying nothing. It was paradise city for Dating Heroes like us, yet it frustrated me. Seeing this felt like a thorn in my eye that kept irritating me.
What went wrong
Most guys seemed to think that you had to be like James Bond to get girls. I saw James Bond after James Bond (JB from now on). They were all being cool, having a drink, lining up the bar doing the “elbow on the bar lean-back checking out the girls, like I can pick anyone to be mine” facade.
Real life JB personifications live in what we like to call a “comfort zone”. The vulva that is inside all of us wants nothing more than to be SO COOL that women will throw themselves at our feet. We can do the rejecting if necessary and we can determine the pace of every interaction. It will be on OUR terms because after all… we are bloody James bond, the baddest mother-fucker on the planet and anyone would be lucky to have us! Well, these JB guys ended up talking to no women at all Blame your mother, the nice guy advice and Disney-Love bullshit.
“My mother told me I was special! It just takes the right girl to see this!”
If you are EVER like this when you go out. PLEASE, for your future children’s sake to exist… keep reading. If you have a friend that is like this, link him this article. This behavior is as toxic as trying to drink gasoline as refreshment. My goal is to outline the absurdity of it so that next time you or a friend fall into this habit, you will smile at your own ridiculous behavior and genuinely take a leap of faith. Take some freaking ACTION. Yes, this might hurt. Yes, that's what growth takes. No... you don't grow in a comfort zone.
In order to get something you’ve never had, you have to do something you’ve never done. Doing the James Bond routine will give you those specific results. AKA nothing. Scarcity. One girl every blue moon.
James Bond has an awesome life. As we said, without any effort women go crazy for him... Well, JB is fictional. In real life, this rarely happens. Girls don’t owe you shit. It’s your task as a man to take responsibility and to let a girl know it when you like her. It’s your job to go out and try to get what you want (aka, take action, again). You will not impress girls by being a cool guy who just looks at them and has a drink at the bar. No, leaning back and being a cool guy is NOT taking action. (Read this if you want to impress women: How To Impress A Girls.)
Forget the dream of hot girls coming to strike up conversations with you just because you’re you. It’s your responsibility to show girls that you like them and to take the first leap of faith. If you’re interested in meeting women, never ever use the JB-style approach as an excuse to feel good about yourself. The JB style is just away to avoid taking the steps needed to actually meet women. Read the steps to it below.
Meet women in 4 steps
Step 1: Move feet towards female of choice’s location
Step 2: Utter words of choice towards female
Step 3: Await response and smile.
Step 4: If positive outcome seems plausible, repeat step 2 and 3. If not, repeat step one to another female for maximum success.
Why these steps can be hard
A lot of people were raised with crippling ideologies, myself included. These hold you back from putting yourself in an authentic and vulnerable position to meet girls. Some of the most profoundly disturbing ones for me were:
- Men/boys don’t cry.
- Vulnerability is weakness.
- Emotions are for the weak.
- A man should be strong at all times.
Since you are on this website you might be able to relate. JB embodies this old narrative framework of a culture that rose a generation of men with these kinds of ideologies. Crippling them from childhood in becoming their best self. Breaking free from the JB frame allows you to freely share yourself and your emotions. This will do a lot more for your social skills than looking cool will do any day of the week. So, it is not your fault if you adopted the JB behavior. It IS however your responsibility to see that it is not adding value to your life and to do something about it.
- If you are trying to open a door by smashing it in with your head, hurting yourself, thinking you are not hitting it hard enough because that is what you saw others do to open doors, then I am the guy telling you to stop. Take a step back and use the freaking doorknob.
“Ok, so if being cool isn’t going to help me? Do you suggest I walk up to a girl with tears telling her how beautiful she is while holding a red rose between my teeth carrying a box of chocolates?“
No, although you will have better odds getting laid doing THAT, then the James Bond routine.
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To conclude, understand these points
Read these like I love you and want only the best for you.
- She doesn’t know you. She wants a man. Men lead, men approach. It is not her job to seduce you. It is YOUR job to make moves, she needs to know you are able to take the lead when shit hits the fan. She needs to see and feel that you have enough balls to protect her in this hard world with your assertiveness. A Dating Hero leads, feels the fear and does it anyway. He is not scared to fail.
- Women want to be conquered. They want to feel valued. They want to feel wanted. JB does none of this. He is so busy trying to be cool that, if he would try to show a girl that he wants her, he would lose focus of his little parade and reveal that he is anything BUT cool. A Dating Hero is a peaceful warrior that is not afraid to veni vidi vici.
- A JB can’t give value. He is so busy being cool, thinking what people think of him, that he can’t express himself. He is so immersed in his own little show that he is putting up, that he has no room available to “just be himself”. A Dating Hero’s main focus is self- expression. Being the person he wants to meet. Attracting what he is, not what he wants. JB attracts what he is: A Façade.
- In this way, JB is never “real”. He is fake, untrue and lying about who he is off the bat. The JB type is trying be someone he is not. Instead of owning what he is and growing from then on. He impairs himself to grow because it is never really his fault to begin with. A Dating Hero owns who he is, he embraces his flaws, he expresses his imperfections knowing these give him rough edges that people can hold on to.
- A JB can’t get rejected. This would mean that someone does not like JB. That he might not be as cool as he thought he was. Yet I hope you know by now that, meeting women inherently involves getting some rejections left and right. Contrary to that, when JB does get rejected, the fault will never be his. The girl is a bitch. After all, JB is too cool to ever be rejected, he is too beautiful, his mother told him so. A Dating Hero is grateful that the other person did not waste his time. He keeps his eyes on the prize. He has no time for these useless thoughts, he knows he is on a glorious path and because of this, he has a lot to offer.
- Because of all this the JB type has almost no capabilities to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable is a requirement to be yourself. Being vulnerable is a requirement to make a real connection with another person. Making it one big soup that perpetuates its own characteristics. A Dating Hero can be vulnerable. He connects with people on a level, scary for most people.
Read and re-read these points until you understand that the James bond way is not the way to go. Start by being a fun sociable dude that deserves the girls he wants.
More on what the “right” way is, is all over our other articles. But I personally advise the book Models by Mark Manson as a very good guide to go about life and manhood in general.
If you want a shortcut… My 4 step system described above is pretty solid as well ;).