Sifting the gold from the dirt by being polarizing

There are about 3.5 billion women on this planet.
If you take a walk through a big city for a mere hour, you will pass hundreds, if not thousands of them on any given day.

Some of them are pretty and some of them are sexy as well.
Some are smart while others are definitely not.
But more importantly: a portion of all those women will vibe extremely well with you, and those are the women you are ultimately trying to find.

When a corporation is holding interviews for a position, they will look for a way to find the right person for this position with the most accuracy possible, in the least amount of time possible. They try to find the most efficient method.

This is what polarizing is to dating. It is the most efficient tool to identify the women that are worth your time,
and to prevent yourself from wasting time on women that will never be interested in you anyway.

What exactly is “polarizing”?

When you think about “poles” you think about two extremes.
The North and the South Pole are on opposite sides on this earth.
Or you might think about strippers. There are two kinds of people.

The former definition is the one we need here.
The act of polarizing is to lead someone closer to one extreme.
In this case the poles would be “Interested” or “Receptive” and “Not interested” or “Unreceptive”.

If you want to understand this term better in terms of dating, and to illustrate how it would work,
you first have to divide all women into three basic types.

-The unreceptive girl or “the chick that ain’t buying what you’re selling”
This girl isn’t laughing at your jokes. She’s bored as hell.
Maybe she thinks you’re unattractive or she doesn’t like the sound of your voice.
Maybe you are boring as hell. Anyway, she’s only there physically.
Mentally, she has already completely zoned out because she’s not interested in what you have to say.

-The neutral girl or “the chick that doesn’t even know what you’re selling”
Now this girl has no opinion at all about you yet. She’s waiting to see what you are like.

-The receptive girl or “the chick that’s buying what you’re selling”
The dream of most men. This chick is hanging on your every word.
She loves you. You’d have to severely mess up to make her hate you.

How does polarizing relate to these types of girls?

In reality, the lion’s share of women will be neutral from the start.
Your job is to polarize her. You have to make her become either receptive or unreceptive towards yourself.

A neutral girl that doesn’t get polarized will always eventually slip more and more towards being unreceptive.
The longer you wait until you start being polarizing, the bigger the chance is you’re losing this girl.
You should always polarize from the start.

Making a girl unreceptive is not a bad thing. Quite the opposite, in fact.
You will not waste any more time on this girl and save more time to talk to girls that will actually appreciate you and your humour.

Cut the crap, how does polarization actually work?

Anything and everything that helps a girl like or dislike you is part of polarization.
Some of these things are in our control, others are not.
Here’s a limited list of the most important factors that contribute:

-Your looks
-Your humour
-Your personality
-Your ideology

It speaks for itself that some women will be more attracted to certain physical traits.
A woman might be a sucker for black hair and brown eyes, and will be more receptive when talking to a man that possesses these traits.

This is one of the factors that aren’t completely in our control. Your basic traits will stay more or less the same.

We can, however, partly control polarization based on looks.
If you love the look of a Mohawk, for example, then get that Mohawk.
The more controversial or niche something is, the harder it will polarize.
Clothing style is also something that polarizes which you can control.
Many women will love a well-tailored suit on a man, for example, while others will prefer a rougher look.

The humour you have is one of the most important factors, in my opinion.
If a girl has the same sense of humour as you, that will polarize pretty hard.
Again, the more unconventional or controversial the humour, the harder it will polarize.
This isn’t necessarily a good or a bad thing.
You will just weed out girls that do not appreciate your style of humour way faster, which is good for you,
because you will never have to hold back if you stay true to your own humour.

So don’t adopt a new, more controversial sense of humour just so you can polarize harder.
It will lead to you being incongruent with your true personality, which is a major turnoff for any person.

Extra tips and remarks

-Never play too safe. If you want to say something, say it.
The more you filter your words, the more you’re keeping a girl in the neutral zone because you will be saying neutral things devoid of true personality.
The longer a girl stays in the neutral zone, the more likely it is she will eventually become unreceptive and
the more likely it is you’ve spent a lot of time without any result.

-Most men that have very little success with women are afraid to be themselves.
They feel like being polarizing is too risky.
It’s the fear of rejection that makes them try to keep girls in the neutral zone instead of risking them becoming unreceptive.
This is exactly why girls become unreceptive, ironically.

-Always start being your true self from the start. If you filter at first and then loosen up after,
there will be a contrast between how you were before and how you are now. That contrast works against you.

So in short, the tl;dr version:

-Polarization makes girls decide whether they like or dislike you.
-There are roughly three types of girls: unreceptive, neutral, receptive.
-Most girls are neutral, polarizing makes them either unreceptive or receptive.
-You can polarize with your humour, looks, personality, ideology…
-The more unconventional or controversial these factors are, the harder they will polarize.
-Do not adopt a new sense of humour to polarize harder, the incongruence between that humour and your real personality will be a major turnoff.
-Be yourself from the start or the contrast between how you were then and how you were now will kill the vibe.
-Do not filter your words. The less you filter, the more they polarize.

Your boy Virgin!


Virgin has spent years working for one of the world's biggest dating companies and has helped countless of people with their love life. He hasn't only seen everything in the book, he wrote the book.

Comments 2

Tue, 17 Nov 2015 12:25


If you're interested in a girl it's in your best interest to "polarize" as soon as possible so you will not be wasting too much time, life is busy enough as it is already.

Don't become just another source of validation for her to keep around.
If you have the spare time and enjoy the interactions, then ofcourse by all means keep her as a friend.

Enjoyed the article ! :thumbsup: ;-)

Tue, 17 Nov 2015 19:49

Mike Vegas

The humour you have is a big one indeed, especially enjoying your own humour and having fun. :punch:

Love the tl;dr!

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