Good stuff !
How to start conversations with women
In this article you'll read about 5-steps you need to take in order to meet a woman you spot.
These will always occur in some way, shape or form depending on your situation.
The steps get even more important when she’s a complete stranger - i.e. when you don’t meet her through mutual friends.
Because if you don’t step through with these you’ll probably never see her again.
Let’s get into it.
You can also download this article here as a nice little e-book with some added playful pictures.
1. TAKE ACTION
Pretty self explanatory, but I had to put this in. If you want something in life, it’s your responsibility to make it happen.
Make a habit out of taking as much action as possible. Seriously, DO IT! Action separates the winners from the losers.
When you see a girl you’d like to meet, stop thinking and just go for it.
Your behaviour is the only thing you can control so get this part right.
Best case scenario, both of you fall completely in love and live happily ever after.
Another good scenario, she doesn’t show interest and you learn something from approaching her.
Worst case scenario, you chicken out and regret not trying.
Believe me bro, regret feels like shit. Don’t let it happen. Just go, say hi and see what happens.
CONCLUSION : Always take action in life. Whenever you want something, go for it.
See a woman you like? Talk to her! Reward yourself for trying. Staying passive is the only form of failure, avoid it.
2. Walk up to her, immediately
Again, pretty basic, but baby steps rock.
This step refers to step one, action. When you spot a girl you’d like to meet, immediately start walking towards her.
It doesn't matter if you're in a club, on a street or in the mall, just go.
This will prevent overthinking or chickening out. Adjust to the situation after you start talking to her.
Don’t think about every possible scenario before you do.
After a while, taking action will also serve as a cue for your brain to ramp up it’s social part. More on this later.
If you commit to the first two steps and do them often enough, you can make them a habit.
And habits don't rely on willpower to be executed.
Take the ‘decision making’ part out of it and always go for it as soon as possible.
Adjust to the situation after starting a conversation.
3. Make your intentions clear
This part is split up in 2.
1. Get her attention:
She needs to know that you want to talk to her.
Grab her attention with a firm “excuse me”, “hey”, tap on the shoulder or whatever’s appropriate.
In a club, you can get really close, really fast. If you're in a metro or elevator, take it easy and keep some distance, champ.
When you have her attention, lock eye contact and pause for a second.
The eye contact assures her that you are talking to her and the pause helps her prepare to listen to you.
She won't understand you if you start talking right away.
A pause also sets up a good vibe from the get. In clubs or bars you can be more aggressive and move faster of course.
But remember, the first thing you need to do when you ‘approach’ her, is make it clear that you want to tell her something and that you want her to listen to you (or that you want to have some fun in bar/clubs settings).
Outside of clubs and super busy areas, try to get her to stand still right in front of you.
Then have a focused but relaxed eye contact with a disarming smile.
Bonus points if you can start talking with a deep and calm voice. (Yes guys, more on this in an upcoming article.)
2. Tell her you want to get to know her:
Most attractive girls will know what’s going on, but it works in your interest to state it anyway.
Being vulnerable and stating your interest conveys authenticity and confidence.
You can do this through words (telling her) or through your body language and voice (talking slowly, getting closer, looking at her lips and/or immediately going for a kiss - usually in clubs or bars).
Some guys will ask me if you don’t give her the ‘power’ in the interaction when you state your intrest.
To make this clear, you don’t tell her you need her or REALLY want her.
You let her know that you think she’s pretty and that you would like to get to know her. That or your horny and want to have some fun.
If she’s not up for that, wish her a pleasant day/evening and walk on. Just like George Clooney would do.
There will be a lot of instances where girls aren’t interested.
ALWAYS be respectful and leave them alone if they tell you too.
Especially if you're new to this dating stuff and need to train your social intuition. (When in doubt, back off!)
4. Talk, connect and get info
After stating your interest, you need to get to know her, connect on a certain level en get some basic information.
You get to know her by asking questions.
To avoid holding an interview, which can work with the right vibe, give a lot of statements and tell her stuff about yourself too.
Ex. M: Hey I’ve never seen you before, you’re not from around here are you? F: No, I
was visiting a friend. M: Oh okay cool, I was raised in this area, a pretty cool place to live.
What did you and your friend do?
In this example, we are M (male) and the girl is F.
First you make a statement, then you ask a small question.
She answers, you acknowledge what she said, you give another statement and end of with a question.
Just pick a subject of the previous sentence and build on that (above ex: friends, travel, city trips, the area, living somewhere etc).
This is a very useful structure to hold a conversation and get to know her.
This setting is more for quiet places, I’ll write something specific for loud venues soon.
Asking the right things will allow you to connect with her.
If she says something you like - maybe that she loves working out - complement her on it. Let her know what you like about her.
Connection can be based on the vibe you two have while talking, on what you like about each other or on commonalities for example.
If you both have a thing for yoga, talk about it. (And try to set up a yoga date, duh)
More on conversations later.
The final elements you should add in here are to extract information (pun intended).
While talking, find out of she has a boyfriend (or wife) and what she’s doing there.
If it turns out she’s single and has some spare time, take her for a drink (see next step).
If she tells you she has a boyfriend, you might have to friend-zone her!
The next step will clear up what kind of info you need and what kind of steps to take.
5. MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN
In club or bar settings, making shit happen means arranging to take her home, or do some other stuff. More on that soon.
In a regular daytime setting, after connecting a bit, you have to make something happen.
You have to get her on an immediate date, or set one up and get her contact details.
An awesome scenario would be that she’s single and has loads of time.
This means that you can tell her to go grab a coffee or a drink with you.
If she declines with a gentle, soft no, she might just be nervous. Just ask her again if this is the case.
If she doesn’t have time, I suggest to ask her phone number and Facebook.
Then you have to try and set up a date on the spot. Ask her when she would be available to go for a drink or a walk.
Ideally you talked about a cool place and you can say that you’ll take her there.
But it doesn’t really matter. Just find out when she can meet up and set the date.
If she’s in a rush and you don’t have time for this, you can resort to texts for setting up a date.
But always try to set it up there and then, this has the biggest rate of succeeding.
Don’t be afraid to push things or to go too fast when trying to make it happen.
It’s better that a girl tells you to take it easy than for her to be bored and lose interest.
Persisting can be very attractive. Just do in a relaxed, not but hurt way.
How would you talk a good buddy of you into something? This frame might help.
Always push yourself to get closer to your goals and to have fun, you'll never regret it.
1) TAKE ACTION!
2) Walk up to her.
3) Make your intentions clear.
4) Get to know her, connect, get some info.
5) Make something happen.
Extra mindset note:
Before I let you go, I need to put in 2 practical tips for your mindset. These can make or break it.
I won’t go into detail, but while walking up to a girl, quickly imagine being Brad Pitt.
How would you act, feel and behave towards her if you were Brad fucking Pitt.
Would you be nervous? Maybe, but would you think she’s too good for you? Definitely not.
Remember that most girls are bored, and would kill to meet an awesome guy like you.
A lot of guys starting out think that some girls are to good for them, that’s bullocks.
Have this in mind when walking up to a beautiful girl:
If you manage to break the ice, you two can have a shitload of fun together.
Make stupid jokes or say weird stuff if that’s you. Be yourself, while executing the steps above and enjoying them.
You might become lovers, friends for life or both.
You have nothing to lose by going for it and can only gain regret by chickening out.
The more often you do this, the more fun it becomes and the better life gets.
That's it my man. Thank you for reading.
Keep the gold coming!