How to impress a girl
If you’re reading this you’re probably trying to impress a girl, right? Good thing you bumped into this article. You know a girl that you like or you want to be prepared when you do meet the hottie you want. And by impressing her you can make her like you more, right?
Well the magnificent news is you’re trying to get better with women. And you will if you keep improving. The not so good news is that you probably don’t have a real understanding of this dating stuff, yet. If you do, you’ll know that you should never TRY to impress a girl. That’s like trying to be cool or trying to be happy. It doesn’t work.
Imaging being George Clooney or Brad Pitt for a moment. If you would sit next to a woman and would actually try to impress her, or make her want you, what tactics could you use? You could take an active (1) or a passive (2) role.
1. You could show her your cool possessions, your latest movies or projects, you could tell her how you could help connect her in your world and so on…
2. You could just lay back, get to know the girl, ask her questions about her, let her talk a lot all while not talking too much about yourself.
Even if option one would be congruent, which one will leave the girl most excited? Which one will make you seem more mysterious and which one will make the girl want to talk to you again?
- “If you wanna be interesting, be interested!”
If you just lay back, relax and listen to a girl, you’ll quickly find out which subjects she wants to talk about. These are the subjects she’ll be most excited about. And if you give her space to talk about those things, she’s open up like a butterfly. Especially if you’re an attractive dude already (which you are if you take care of yourself and if you have good sub communications).
We’ll go deeper into conversations specifically, but for now remember that trying to impress people in general doesn’t work. Usually a passive role, which allows you to draw people towards you and conclude things on their own pace works a lot better for two reasons.
- First of all, if you go too active, you’ll come across as try hard. People notice it when you force behavior out of yourself because it’s not congruent. Especially if they already know you they’ll notice it immediately. And if you’re actually 'impressive', you wouldn’t have anything to prove.
- Second, even if you would be a real smooth operator that sneaks in under the radar, you probably don’t even know what actually impresses her. A passive approach allows you to lead a girl in a direction that shows you what she finds interesting. This works a lot better.
So what should you do
The only reason I can come up with to try and impress a girl is to try and attract her. If you have any other reason let me know in the comments and I’ll personally reply, but I doubt there being any other meaningful reason.
So if you’re trying to attract a woman, you go back to the basics. I’ll go over the basics again because these give you the biggest return for your time/effort investment.
- Take good care of yourself. This is a very easy one that a lot of guys still mess up. Shower, use cologne, wear clean clothes, do something nice with your hair, brush your teeth, keep your nails clean and clipped and wear clean shoes. Ask other people before you enter the club if you smell weird or have bad breath. The best game in the world won’t save you if you’re mouth smells like sh*t. If you have stinky problems take some cologne and gum with you when you go out, duh.
- Wear cool clothes that are congruent with your personality. Look at other people who are nicely dressed in the style that you like and copy them. Yes, shamelessly copy them. If you have cool friends or girlfriends that dress well ask their advice. If you don’t, ask advice to the people that work in the stores where you buy the clothes.
- Work on your sub communications. Talk and move slowly and relaxed, hold strong eye contact, smile and enjoy yourself.
- Don’t be scared to physically escalate on women. Doing this in a non creepy way (don’t look at you hand touching her for example) can be very helpful, especially if you haven’t made your intent clear. I look at physical escalation as a tool to spark emotions. If you can do this non-physical, it’s not really necessary, unless you want to kiss her, but it can certainly help. (Here's our article on how to kiss a girl, check it out!)
Most guys simply don’t care about this stuff, executing these basics will already put you withing an elite of men.
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Let’s get deeper into conversations. In the first paragraph I explained that a too active role when trying to impress (or attract) a girl is probably not your best shot. It comes across as try hard and so on…
When you’re already attractive (basics above) there’s no need to be doing too much. You just focus on enjoying your time together while taking things further in a subtle way. How does this work?
After starting a normal conversation, which can be after a ‘direct or indirect approach’ you go with the flow (read our article on how to start a conversation with a woman here). Start asking her more personal questions related to the subjects you guys are talking about. If you’re talking about high school ask her if she was popular back then. If you’re talking about your hometowns ask her if she liked living there and so on. Then jump between conversational topics depending on what she talks about. And especially if she mentions certain topics full enthusiasm get deeper into those.
People love talking about themselves or about subjects that matter to them, it’s human nature. By talking about things that interest the girl, you’re already going into a conversational territory that’s loaded with emotions for her. She’ll be a lot more engaged in these conversations than in conversations about you.
- If the girl is pretty introverted, share more about yourself, if she keeps on talking, let her talk. When she keeps on talking you should just look at her, straight in the eyes, with almost a poker face.
When a woman is talking you should not be nodding your head up and down the whole time. A lot of men do this and it’s a great way to prevent any tension from building up. Especially if you add in ‘Oh’ and Yes!’ the whole time. I’m not telling you to never show emotion or to never give her a sign that you’re still listening, but you should probably tone it down.
The ‘poker face’ accomplishes a couple of things. When you use it after the conversation has started, you can give your interaction a more sexual vibe. It shows her that you’re relaxed and non-reactive to her. At the same time it creates a void of validation for her which will result in sparking emotions.
And if you save up your nods or ‘uhu’s’ for after she completes a sentence and is done talking, you can stimulate her to keep talking. Don’t over do it though or the conversation wont be nice for the other person. People naturally use this technique when talking to others and when they're very interested and curious to hear the other person say more about a subject … Anyway, good rant, let's move on.
Want to be impressive, attractive or remembered? Well if you take a girl on an adventure you’ll manage it. Adventure is a loaded word, but in general think about it as sharing a new (and hopefully kind of exciting) experiences with her. And if she hasn’t done it with another dude before it’s probably an extra win, especially if it’s not in her comfort zone.
There are a lot of ways to go on an adventure, especially if you’re going on a date, you have a free field ahead. You’ll be able to fully decide what to do without her friends being there to interrupt you or to keep her from joining you. I'd suggest ‘active’ dates for this purpose. Go work out together, go rock climbing, go disco bowling, tell her to help you show some clothes, make ice cream together… Whatever you do, the point is to stand out compared to just taking her for a drink and to do something fun. She’ll remember the date and she’ll brag about it to her friends. Impressive aye.
If you’re at a bar or club and you just met a girl, you can still use the same principle, but on a smaller scale. Grabs her hand and walk her around the club. Introduce her to a ton of people. Dance with her in a sensual way to only push her away and tell her to stop… All things that most guys will never do. All things that will help her remember you.
To end this baby off remember this. If you want to impress a girl, you don’t have to try to impress her, actions speak louder than words. You do this by standing out in a positive way and by giving her a reason to remember you. Maybe the fact that you made her open up to you and that you’re an awesome conservationist or maybe the fact that you took her on an adventure. Remember the basics and keep on pushing the interaction forward. That’s it for today.
Thank you for reading and talk later!