Estimating Me - Part 2


This is part 2 of our guide on self-esteem.
Read the first part here or
download the full guide for free as a beautiful e-book here.

Part 1 explained what self-esteem is and why it's a cornerstone for the quality of your life.
I shared my personal story around it and we went over the first of six pillars, The practice of living consciously.
Enjoy the rest.


2. The practice of self-acceptance.


Self-acceptance is the ability to unconditionally value all parts of yourself.

In his book, Branden says that nothing does as much for an individual’s self-esteem, as becoming aware of and accepting disowned parts of the self. Awareness and acceptance are the first steps of healing and growth.

Self-acceptance enables you to be authentic.
Truly accept yourself and you’ll lose the need for exterior approval.

You’ll never be the ideal image you have of yourself. You are not perfect and you never will be.
We all fail. It’s just the winner that gets back up.
This means you should never be ashamed of your weaknesses, take pride in how you handle them.
Know you are not much, and be completely ok with that.

“I am here and I'm alive. That's enough.” — Don Miguel Ruiz

In dating:

Acceptance allows you to unapologetically convey your interest to women.
You stop caring and just give people the chance to reciprocate and connect if they want.


Men who aren’t happy about themselves, don’t feel deserving of an attractive woman.
They’re afraid to show their interest and anticipate bad reactions when they do.

Take time to figure out how you actually see yourself. Think about how you judge yourself, and why.
Become aware of your thoughts and verdicts and try to figure out where they stem from.
Learn to let them work for you, not against you. The way you perceive yourself will set the tone for others, including women.

Ask yourself questions:

"What do I feel?” and "Why do I feel it?”.
“What do I need to improve upon, and why?”

Know that these negative feelings or judgments towards yourself, only do harm.
They serve nobody, so please don’t suffer because of them. Acknowledge them to move forward.

Embrace your insecurities and stop hiding them. Start being open and vulnerable when needed.

A good practice is to expose your weakness. Start a conversation with an attractive girl in the following way:

Hi, I believe you are really attractive, so I’m feeling a bit nervous coming to talk with you – pause –
my name is [Willem] by the way (disarming smile).

Show your weakness and you will lose the fear of people seeing them.

Accept your flaws and and communicate them when necessary, so they’ll stop deriving your attention.
It will open up your personality and make you less self-absorbed.
This clears your path for building those things that matter most to you.



3. The practice of self-responsibility.


You are responsible for your decisions, actions and well-being.

"Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.” — Lao Tzu

Never fall into a victim mindset or blame others for your situation.

To build yourself and self-esteem, you need the audacity to take life in your own hands.
Which means that to create the good, you must also take full responsibility when things go wrong.
Answer to yourself when things go south. This gives you the benefit of learning more intensely from your mistakes.

If you feel lonely and would like to have a girlfriend, go out and talk to every single cute girl you cross paths with.
Take action!

When you want something, figure out a plan to make it happen, and go for it.
If you fail, figure out why YOU failed and seek to adapt.

Regret grows where potential fails to act. – Willem.

Self-responsibility is also about handling your emotions and learning to be grounded.

Feel it. But never fear it.
Your emotions don’t define you, they are a temporary state of mind, guided by your thoughts.

For example; being anxious about starting conversations with girls is okay.
You might need a social warmup or a buddy to stay accountable.
Just find out what works for you, to take the first step. Take it slow and make progress while enjoying the ride.
Soon you’ll realise how little help you actually need.

Some days are worse than others and our emotions tend to fluctuate without warning.
Accept that you do not control these feelings, and focus on handling each situation with grace.

Negative emotions are like unwelcome guests.
Just because they show up on our doorstep doesn’t mean they have the right to stay. — Deepak Chopra





— Seven Samurai 1954


Forgiving is an act of responsibility.

Learning to forgive is a good way to handle negative emotions.

Let go of anger and hate. They control you. They’re not helpful and can cause immense suffering.

Don’t put up with the bad behaviour of others, but at the same time never hold grudges or handle situations irrationally.
You can take preventative measures after forgiving/dealing with the situation.
But again, it’s your job to not be overly affected.

Also forgive yourself. If you regret having done certain things, accept how you’re feeling.
Maybe try to make up for what you’ve done, but focus on your future behaviour.
Remember, forgiving is something you do for yourself, not for another person.

“Don't Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you.
What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.
When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.”
— Don Miguel Ruiz


4. The practice of self-assertiveness.

 

Being self-assertive is about expressing yourself and your needs, in an authentic way.

Let people know what’s on your mind, and why it is.
It’s not about ignoring social boundaries or pushing your ideas on to others.

If you like a certain joke, tell it.
If you like a certain hairstyle, go for it.
If somebody cuts you in line somewhere, calmly address them. 

Never hide parts of yourself because you’re afraid of what others might think.
Self-assertiveness radiates confidence and independence. It makes others respect you.

Be assertive, clear and respectful towards others.
It makes you find out who corresponds with you.


You’ll know that people who like you, like you for who you are.
People who dislike you for who you are, are easily selected out.

“Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean.
Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.
Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.”
— Don Miguel Ruiz


In dating:

Being self-assertive will help you communicate clearly and set strong boundaries.
Girls will know you for who you are. If you dislike texting, let her know and find other ways to stay in touch.
If a woman’s political views completely clash with yours, don’t get into an argument, but respectfully tell her about it.
Maybe suggest to change the subject.

When you are honest, the way you want to be, you connect with girls in a more profound way.
And those who do not get along with you as who you are, fade away, which is just fine.





Caspar David Friedrich - Wanderer above the sea of fog (1818)


5. The practice of living purposefully.

 

Quality women want men with a vision. It fascinates and attracts them.
People can sense it immediately and it draws them into your reality.
Be passionate about life and the goals you’re trying to achieve.
Convey the fact that you know where you want to go, and that you will not compromise for a life you do not want to live.
This conveys you as a leading man.

Women are more attracted to your potential than to your current situation.
This is why being a broke med-school student can still be very attractive to them.

Vision is larger than goals.

Vision is how you see the reality you want to live in. It’s the way you see your purpose fulfilled.
The way you envision yourself feeling and living, apart from day to day details. It is the meta.

Now, goals are how you make your vision visible for others and real for yourself. It is how you make your vision happen.

Go back to the notes you made at practice one, The practice of living consciously.
They can help you define your visions of life so you can build them.


Set goals that match your passions and ambitions, commit to a plan of action, and realise them.


6. The practice of personal integrity.


It’s all about your core values.

All of the above practices become futile if this one isn’t met.
Following the principles you believe in and staying true to yourself.

Take some time to think about which virtues you value most. Are they actually your own values, or are they societies values?
When they’re are only imposed by others, they aren’t yours to follow.

Honesty and generosity are two of my personal favourites.
Once again, The practice of living consciously can help you with this.

Whenever you act out of line with your values, consider why you did it.
Don’t break yourself down for what happened, but analyse why you slipped.
If you wish to avoid it from happening again, work out a plan for when you face a similar situation.

In dating:

Set clear boundaries, for yourself and for the people you interact with.

If you value honesty, be brave enough to never lie.
If you only want polygamous relationships, communicate it to women you meet.
When someone arrives late at an appointment, let them know if this bothers you.

Find out what you value and be congruent with it.

“Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not “ — Oprah Winfrey


Focus on failure


Before you start working on these practices, anticipate the fact that you will fail many times. Embrace the grind.

Focus on building habits around these practices.

Allow yourself to fail, but never to stop practicing.
Work until it goes your way. Be happy and grateful for every improvement.

“You can not reach perfection. Perfection is a way of reaching” - Willem

Journaling about your process can be a good way to keep yourself accountable and to understand the journey you’re going through.

When you work on these practices, life will intensify. As will your experiences with women.
And with each taste of your vision entering your reality, the view on your life will sharpen.

By regarding yourself as the supreme leader of your life, you take control through responsibility.
When you make your goals your habits, you arrive at a lifestyle that can actually build dreams.

When your actions are aligned with your potential and you become the change you want to see,
you own that life you value most.

Self-esteem is now the solid core you hold within.



Read part 1 of the article here or
download the full guide for free as a beautiful e-book here.

Written by Terry Travis and Willem.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, it means a lot. We hope it motivated & helped you.
If you know someone who might enjoy this article, please pass it on. Sharing is caring.

[optin]

Comments 2

Thu, 19 Nov 2015 20:24

John Eekwood

"Acceptance allows you to unapologetically convey your interest to women.
You stop caring and just give people the chance to reciprocate and connect if they want."

The last part, "IF THEY WANT", is exactly what it comes down to. Especially coming from a PUA background, it's about not trying to manipulate or use techniques, but just being your own valuable self, so that others may choose to see you as valuable as you see your self. If they don't, too bad, but you don't allow that in your reality anymore.

Was a good read, and feels good to see that through self-development you can REALLY progress (I have), I can still remember the six pillars being kind of out of my reality, and now I'm slowly mastering almost all 6 of them!

Sun, 22 Nov 2015 12:35

Gianni

If you want to get anywhere with women or in life, this NEEDS to be your foundation.
Willem, Terry, you guys did an amazing job of writing down this foundation in just two short articles without leaving anything important out.

My personal weakness would be self-integrity as I often feel like things arn't 'worth it'.
And even though I'm probably right logicly speaking, self-esteem trumps all.

You need an account to post a message, log in below or connect with facebook



Signup with facebook